For the most part, this "kinda single mom" thing isn't as hard as everyone seems to think. There are times, though, that I just feel like I'm going to implode. I get almost an anxious, panic attack feeling. I feel it pulsing under the surface and if I don't stomp it down, I'll fall to pieces.
Tonight, I had to take a minute. As a mom, those minutes you have to take for yourself come at the strangest times. Take this evening... Just home from dance, we stripped to take a shower and get jammies on (shower tonight b/c I KNOW we'll be just as rushed tomorrow morning, the more I can get done tonight, the better) and I felt it. That panic, the melt-down was breathing down my neck. I had to take one of those minutes then and there. So there is Mommy, leaning against the wall of the shower, eyes closed and blocking out the screaming baby in the bedroom and the preschooler in the shower with me yammering on and on about God knows what while drawing circles on my butt with her soap crayon. Yep, not my finest hour, but I needed a moment in my own little world in order to stay sane.
Later, no less chaotic, God let me get a glimpse of the nostalgia with which I will look back on these times. Someday, AC will be off at her part-time job, Rory will be in an extracurricular activity, and I will be at home reminiscing about the days when my babies were babies and were home with me every night snuggling in my bed.
So, that being said, this is my goal, one I'll never totally "reach", but one I can continually strive toward: Look at my life for what it is, a gift. Find the joy in the every day, the chaos, and the mundane. Appreciate my kids and take advantage of the time I'm given with them because they aren't mine, they're God's, He just loves me enough to share. Look back only to keep perspective as to how far we've come. Look forward only to gain an appreciation of what I have, it'll all change all too soon.
Do I sound like a sappy greeting card? Yes, I do, but I don't think it makes those statements any less true.
Until then,
AC 'n' Rory's Mom
Yes, you sound like a sappy greeting card- but I, too, struggle to slow day and be intentional about time with my girls also. I can't imagine trying to cope with my kids and everything that goes with them while having my husband away- I don't know how you do it!
ReplyDelete*slow down... oops
ReplyDeleteI have so been in your shoes, especially in the shower, with a toddler drawing shapes upon my plump butt as she tells me my belly is fat...not phat...how will I handle two! Patience, A Grande Vanilla Ice Latte, and a little escape into books and blogs here and there if time permits!
ReplyDelete