Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I can't believe I posted this on the internet...

Goodness, it's been so long.  I never intend to wait so long before posting, it just seems that time gets away from me and, before I know it, it's been weeks!  How in the world am I going to get a book deal if I can't even bother to blog regularly?!?  ;o)

I've been making some changes around here.  Two weeks ago I had a doctor appointment and had to what every woman hates doing with an audience (no, not that...get your head out of the gutter):  I had to step on the scale.  I knew I'd not lost too much of my baby weight, but was sure it would start magically melting off.  Can we say "denial"?  The number that popped up on that digital screen was like a slap in the face.  I was well aware I wasn't going to be pleasantly surprised by my weight, but this was worse than I had ever imagined (I can't believe I'm sharing this online...): 164 lbs.  My number wouldn't seem like that big of a deal to some, but for my frame, metabolism, and physical history, it's exorbitant.  I DO have hypo-thyroidism and my first reaction was to get my levels checked.  This can't be MY fault, right?  It has nothing to do with the ice cream, M&Ms, pop, and fast food I've been eating with blissful abandon.  Nor could my vehement abhorrence of physical activity be to blame.  My expertly-crafted denial was put to work in the following week it took to get my blood work back.  This week was, of course, a carb and sugar-filled, crazy-loco fiesta.  Double caramel Magnum ice cream bar anyone?  Oh, never mind, I ate them all...

Ever see someone who is severely obese ordering an extra large super value meal at McDonald's and think, "Really?  When is enough going to be enough?"  You wonder when they're going to look at themselves in the mirror and think, "This has got to stop."  (Okay, so maybe you aren't so blatantly judgemental, but I'm going out on a limb here and admitting that I DO have those thoughts from time to time.)  Well, last Wednesday I got the results of my blood work.  My levels are fine.  Crap...  This is when I had my own "enough is enough" moment.  That evening I logged onto Spark People again and readjusted my goals.  I have a tendency to shoot high, miss, get discouraged, and quit.  This time, however, my goal is to lose 24 lbs by September.  I'm not using their pre-planned diet and really, I'm not considering myself "on a diet", I'm just making better choices.  I know that if I have to log everything I shove in my mouth, I'm much less likely to eat the Cheetos left on AC's plate or grab a handful of M&Ms as I walk through the kitchen.

As hard as making good food choices is for me (because, before kids, I never really had to worry about my weight), the exercise is 10x harder.  I HATE working out.  HATE it.  I don't like feeling out of breath, sweating, nor the alleged hurts-so-good pain that comes with it.  There is nothing about a "good" workout that appeals to me...other than not being fat, of course.  Knowing this about myself, I'm attempting to get my calorie burning in in a way that doesn't feel so much like exercise:  Just Dance 2 on the Wii.  Think that sounds like a cop out?  Try "Maniac"...  I've been doing approximately 8 songs on days when I can.  I have to be realistic about my schedule, there are some days when spending a good 30 minutes getting sweaty (and the shower that must follow) really doesn't fit.  I figure on those days I'm running around so much that it all works out.  Rationalization?  Maybe, but these physical and nutritional changes have to fit into my lifestyle or I won't stay consistent.

It's only been a week and weight loss has only been 2 lbs, but that's a healthy amount and I'm okay with it.  At the risk of becoming a failure publicly, I'm hoping that posting this blog will help to keep me accountable.  We'll see!

Until Then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

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