The great poop debacle

Whoa! This blog entry is taking a turn. An hour ago I was sitting on the couch typing an entry with totally different (yet less entertaining) content when I heard a rumble erupt from the nether-regions of my youngest offspring. Every mother knows and dreads that rumble. One the likes of which no diaper known to man can contain... Yep, her little newborn diaper wasbursting at the seams with runny yellow baby crap.While AC (let's facetiously call her "Flash" for the rest of this entry...does that tell you anything about her ability to discern urgency??) was off fashioning a diaper and wipes by hand, Rory, sans diaper, exploded again. This time all over her receiving blanket, socks, and onsie.

I think it goes without saying that Rory had her first full-on immersion bath this evening. It was a circus trying to get everything in order to dunk the poo-ball... I tried to keep poop from dripping while grabbing towels and a baby washcloth and sent Flash to get, in turn, the Clorox wipes from the bathroom (so I could wipe out the kitchen sink), a new onsie, the lotion, soap, an extra towel, a diaper, and, of course, my phone, so I could preserve the moment for posterity. All the while, Rory was screaming like a banshee. No wonder though, I would too if I were cold and naked on the kitchen counter covered in my own crap. Oh, and I might add that Clayton's friend from Bible college decided that this was a perfect time to call and congratulate us on the new baby...poor guy, I know he had no idea, but really, what is WRONG with men's timing???

When the bath (and screaming) was finally over, I know what Rory was thinking while sucking the life out of her pacifier, "What the hell just happened to me??" Can't you just see it on her face? SO funny...

After cleaning up, putting AC to bed, and dousing Rory's poo-soaked clothes with an entire bottle of Shout, I'm spent. Time to wrap this puppy up and sit down with my mini bottle of sweet red, bag of baked Ruffles, and the new episode of Survivor. Does that sound like class or what?!?

Until then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

P.S. My kid has the most HILARIOUS monkey hair...this is guiltless mocking, I hear I had the same head of hair!

This calls for pie...

Funny how getting a computer of your own can cause you to take up pursuits otherwise deemed unnecessary. Things such as Farmville, Frontierville, Cafe World...oh, and that blog that you so cavalierly abandoned many moons ago.

I had planned to wax poetic about my list of accomplished tasks, the dinner I didn't have to cook, and the joys of sitting in the recliner watching Julie and Julia. However, my peaceful evening took a turn for the paranoid while I was *ahem* cyber farming

(and spamming my and other's pages with farm updates, offers of fuel, and bushels of raspberries). Out of the corner of my eye, a small dark shadow flickered across my kitchen floor. It was nothing, really...I've just been wearing my contacts too long, right? WRONG! Up until TONIGHT, I have dealt with mice, but only in the walls, they had never ventured into the part of the house that I inhabit. Not anymore, my friend, said shadow was a MOUSE scampering merrily through my kitchen!! There are many things that skeeze me out: big bugs, birds, animal genitals as food...however, topping the list is rodents. And what is a mouse? A nasty, flea-infested, disease-ridden, rodent vermin. *shudder*

After realizing that I wasn't imagining things, I did what any other red-blooded American powder puff would do, I called

my mom. After some brief commiseration, she, of course, laughed at me... I don't think she understands the extent to which mice affect me. I jerk awake in the middle of the night with visions much akin to that scene in Ratatouille where the little old lady blows a hole in her ceiling only to find a bazillion rats living in her house. Gag... Mom also laughed at my consternation that my fervent prayers against vermin infestations have availethed pretty much squat. Fo' reals, if God can bring people back from the dead and tell animals to hoof it onto a boat two by two, what is stopping Him from sending out a supernatural memo to the rodents of Amarillo that my house is off limits??

Ok, mom off the phone, it's time to get the kids in bed and, thank God, I have some extra traps (the expensive, but wonderfully all enclosed kind).

Baby has been fed, but continues to scream her guts out and AC is refusing to get off the couch for fear of being accosted by the mouse. Wonderful. I left them both doing their best to go hoarse to set traps in the kitchen and pile Cool Whip on the slice of raspberry chiffon pie I intended to eat in bed. (Yes, I am eating pie in bed. Don't judge me...)

Traps set and outta the kitchen I go. I sure as hell am not going to stick around and LISTEN to the little nasty beasts getting killed.

Walking into my room, I find that AC is watching a Mexican soap opera on YouTube on my phone and has, seemingly out of the blue, developed a large lump under her eye. Great... We go to the doctor tomorrow and it looks like I socked her in the peeper. Will she TELL me what happened??? Nooo, that would be FAR too easy on a mother who's sanity is about to fly the coop. After a lengthy pantomime, I have deduced that she was attempting to dance around in her room, tripped, and smacked her eye on something.

She says the wall...don't know how that could be, but whatever. I think the story I've pieced together is about as good as it's going to get.

Keep in mind that throughout all of this, the baby has been hitting ear piercing decibals with no intention to cease. I'm tempted to sit on my contaminated mouse floor and join her.

One Barbie mermaid movie and two sore nipples later (AC watched a movie and the baby nursed...better clarify) both kids are asleep in my bed, my blog is updated, and my piece of pie is calling my name. To quote Billy Joel, "Oh, what a night".

Until then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

P.S. Please forgive any spelling errors in this post, the spellcheck feature doesn't seem to be working and my mouth is too full of raspberry-liscious Cool Whip for me to really give a crap at this particular juncture...

Daddy is in the HOUSE

I can't lie, it is good to have Clayton home...

AC was VERY tired when we went to pick him up at the airport. She was barely awake when he tried to talk to her. It wasn't the homecoming he had imagined, I am sure, but he was pretty tired too, so I think he understood.

When she woke up the next morning, I brought her into our bed and asked her who that man was. She whispered "Daddy". Then I asked her what she was going to tell Daddy, he erupted in giggles when her response was "Toy store. Princess cycle." She didn't forget who made her those promises on the phone! It wasn't long before I was hearing "No, Momma, Daddy do it." She is enamored and it's like he never left.

It has been a whirlwind week. There was so much he wanted to do while home, I don't think we'll get to all of it, but we'll certainly try.

The princess cycle was high on the list of priorities, obviously. We got down every tricycle at Toys 'R' Us, but she didn't want any part of them. She wanted the 10 inch Disney Princess bike. So the Disney Princess bike it was...and Daddy didn't stop there, she also got a basket, streamers, a horn, a helmet, and elbow pads. Nana got her a hula hoop. Later she picked out a Disney Princess fishing pole at Gander Mtn for our trip to NM. It was a good day to be AC.

We got family pictures taken and they were wonderful! Wil did a FABULOUS job and I can't wait to get them in. Speaking of pictures, Clayton got me an anniversary/birthday gift. I got a new camera! A Nikon D60...I have so much to learn about it. Mom sent us a Best Buy gift card for our anniversary, so we decided to use it towards this purchase. To be honest, it kind of made me ill to spend that much money. I'm such a tightwad!

Unfortunately, I got sick on Monday and Tuesday my physical therapist took one look at me and told me to go home. I guess I looked really terrible. It probably didn't help that we had spent the morning at the Discovery Center...

Last night Cyndy (SIL) and her boyfriend, Wes, got here. We all went to Palo Duro Canyon today and they hiked up to the cave. They had plans to go further, but storms were coming in and we didn't want to get stuck down there, so that concluded out trip to the big hole in the ground.

Clayton also presented his dad with a shadow box. It included a flag that had been flown in battle in Afghanistan which had been dedicated to George as well as a certificate saying as much. There was also a Marine Corps coin and a limited edition Marine Corps knife. George served in the Marines, so this meant a lot to him. I think it meant just as much to Clayton that his dad liked it so much.

I think I'll have to conclude, we need to get home and pack up the car as we are headed to Red River tomorrow!!

Until Then,

AC's Mom

Little Miss Sassy Pants

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would hear, "No talking, Momma" before my child was 2. I'm not kidding, when she doesn't want to hear what I am saying she will tell me to stop talking. Now, this has never happened when she is being harangued, only when I am chattering at her and she prefers that I stop. That being said, she has yet to get a spanking for it. I feel, however, that said spanking is immanent. Nana told me that she was "getting onto" AC the other day and AC put her fingers in her ears. Of course, my MIL laughed and couldn't bring herself to spank her. I don't know if she hasn't performed this trick at home because she KNOWS she will get punished, or if she is planning a public humiliation of her dear old mom...
She is so bossy... In addition to tell me when I can sing, talk, etc. She feels it is her right and responsibility to boss every living creature. Her 4 year-old friend, Lily, was over the other day and AC, perched on her high chair, pointed at Lily and instructed her to, "Don't do that. Stop it." I don't even remember what Lily was doing, but it was nothing that warranted a reprimand. Least of all from the 21 month-old. I have, on several occasions, had to tell AC that she is not that child's Momma and she is not to tell them "no no". And don't think just because you aren't a human that you are exempt from her demands. She is constantly telling bugs to "go away". Yesterday we were outside and the neighbor's dog was barking, she shook her little finger at the privacy fence between the houses and yelled, "No talking, puppy!" The birds were on the receiving end of her ire when she told them, "No sing!"
As wishy-washy as I feel I am at times, it's nice to know that my daughter didn't inherit that particular trait. She knows what she wants and wants it now! Granted, that aspect of her character isn't always a boon, it sometimes gets her into trouble, but it is encouraging as her mother to know that my child knows her mind and isn't easily swayed. It may foreshadow many fights in the years to come, but I can rest assured that come the tween and teenage years, the crowd will be following HER, not the other way around.

Until then,

AC's Mom

I feel like a newlywed...*sigh*

Clayton comes home in 8 days! It feels as though there is so much to do and so much that I haven't done to get ready for him to come home. I have already started straightening and I need to do laundry (things that can be done now). However, most of the items on my "to do" list are things that will need to be done in the few days before his arrival: vacuuming and washing the car, sweeping the garage and porches, cleaning the house, washing the sheets, etc. Don't think me ridiculous, but I called a friend who cleans houses to come and clean for me the day he comes home. It's just one less thing for me to stress about. By the time I get everything straightened and organized (Clayton is WAY organized and I am not), I won't have the energy to clean as well as I want to.

I didn't think it would be so stressful for him to come home. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond excited to see him again, euphoric, but I didn't expect to be nervous to see him. My friend, Katie, warned me about this, but I didn't think it would apply to us. I was WRONG! I know my apprehension is self-made, but I can't help it! He has lost 60 lbs! I have lost NONE... Do you know what that does to my psyche??? He will come home all good lookin' only to be greeted by the tubby, frazzled wife he left behind. I know that he loves me no matter what, but I just don't want him to be disappointed on any level. I'm doing what I can. I will get waxed and spray tanned just before he comes home, that will make me feel a little better. I may still be fat, but at least I will be golden and streamlined! Like Mom says, "Tan fat looks better than pasty fat."

I have also been getting AC prepared to see him. I don't want her to be scared or freaked out. I don't think she will be. She has talked to him often enough on the phone, looked at LOTS of pictures, and we talk about him all the time. She may not totally understand what is happening, but she knows that, whatever it is, it is a good thing; something to be excited about. She has been bouncing around like a demented squirrel lately chanting, "Daddy, daddy, daddy". He has also promised her that we will go to the toy store and she can pick out a tricycle when he gets home. I don't know that she really knows what a tricycle is, but, let me tell you, she is STOKED! She has been tell everyone, "Daddy home. Toy store. Cycle. I pick it!" We have also been practicing what she will say and do when she sees him. She is all about running and yelling for him, hugging and kissing him, and telling him, "I lub you, Daddy." Whether she actually performs is another matter entirely, but I hope she does. All in all, I think she is excited enough that it will be a fun experience for her and she will warm up to him quickly.





Don't expect too many blogs when he is home!

Skinny Amanda, she DID exist!!

Until then,


AC's Mom

Some days are just good days

Ever have a day that, no matter what your child does, you can't help but look at them and feel overwhelmed? Not in a bad way either, but overwhelmed by how much you love that little person.

AC doesn't suffer from lack of attention or affection on any given day, however, on those good days, she is smothered. I want to hold her, kiss her, and ingrain her sweet smell into my memory as I know it won't last forever. I don't ever find myself wishing she were older or wishing days would pass faster (except when I'm counting down the days until I see Clayton). In general I try to hold onto every moment I have. Too soon, your cuddly newborn wants to crawl on the floor, then walk, then is learning to use the potty; I don't even want to BEGIN to think about school.

It's bittersweet to see her grow and develop. Bitter in that she, bit by bit, doesn't need me anymore and sweet in that I can see that I'm raising an independent, well-adjusted child. She really is that, independent and well-adjusted. I couldn't be more proud of her, not because of, but in spite of my abilities as a mother.

One day I won't hear, "Hold you, Momma", but I pray that I am raising her in a way that "I love you, Momma" never goes away.

Until then,

AC's Mom

Appeasing the masses

I've been badgered to blog more. Like I said, I'm appeasing the masses. (The "masses" consisting of two of my MOMS Club friends and my cousin... They can take away my computer, but they can't take away my sense of self-importance.)
Clayton comes home June 2nd!! Yahoo! I excitedly made an appointment for us to get family pictures the first Saturday he is home. I have been looking forward to it until it occurred to me, I have to be in these photos...suck... What am I going to wear??? I may have to get something new as I don't want all the pictures to show me plucking my shirt away from my stomach roll. I also don't want to look pregnant. Speaking of, I have been asked THREE TIMES over the last 4 months if I'm expecting, by women no less! I wanted to tell them that I'm "expecting" to lose 15 lbs, thank you for asking, but I don't think that is what Jesus would do...
AC is growing like a weed and cracks me up regularly. A few weeks ago we were at the mall when she decided she has to "poo-poo-potty". (Which includes pee, poo, and gas...let me tell you, I love maneuvering my cart in the bathroom and papering the toilet seat all while chanting "Don't touch" like a savant only for her to sit on the toilet and fart.) She is sitting on the toilet when a woman comes in to use the stall beside us. When AC hears her pee, she starts clapping and shouting "Yay!!! Poo poo da potty! Canny!" , her version of what I say at home when she goes in the potty. Can you believe this woman didn't even laugh??? I would have fallen off the toilet in a fit of hysteria. In fact, I laughed so hard I almost peed myself. Speaking of potty training, anyone who says they potty trained their kids in 3 days is either lying or has a magic wand. AC has been pooping on the potty since February with only three accidents. Pee is another story. I clean up at least 3 puddles a day and although everyone says not to use Pull-Ups, I do. Call me crazy, but I don't relish changing my daughter's clothes in the grocery store bathroom while the poor stock boy has to clean up a pee lake in the middle of produce. Maybe I'm just not going at it hard enough, but, really, I have errands to run and things that need done. She's not even two, I think we are ahead of the game and if you think otherwise, keep it to yourself, my child is a GENIUS!
My genius is also a parrot. She repeats EVERYTHING. I think it's hilarious. She doesn't hear anything she shouldn't according to me. Her pre-school teacher may have an opposing view. I think it's funny when she says "crap", "oh my gosh", "darn it", and "Wat up, yo". I also think it's funny when she says a word that sounds like something else. For example, when she says "frog", it sounds very much like another four letter word that starts with "f". "Upset" sounds like "Oh, sh*t" and so on. I get her to say those particular words all the time because it cracks me up... Am I a bad mother? No, just one with a sense of humor.

Until then,
AC's Mom