If I have one, it hurts

Working out with a trainer who is a muscle-bound former Marine is hard enough the first time.  Coming back after an 8 week hiatus just plain sucks.  I started again three weeks ago and it hurts just as badly every time.  On the plus side, when I tell him he is a sadistic man who has brain damage from bulging muscle induced lack of oxygen to the brain, he laughs and says, "You're the one paying me."

Yes, I am.  I've had this conversation with myself.  I feel, however, that should I ever be able to wear real jeans with a t-shirt that actually fits and NOT have a muffin top, I should continue to expose myself to the punishment and, if not learn to love it, at least tolerate it.

When I left you last, AC, who has since been renamed (by her sister) and will henceforth be referred to as "Ackle" had wedged a wad of goo in her hair.  It's been almost a year since I stopped blogging and every few days, I get an inkling.  (Don't be disgusting, look it up.)  I should be conituing to post about the boring everyday things that make up my life as a mother of two.  Not for the benefit of any readers, but for my personal benefit.  Going back through these posts, I can read, laugh, and remember things that will seem like just yesterday when my kids are too cool to be seen with me.

I have a hard time finding my life interesting enough to write about while I'm in it.  I need to be consistent and am asking for help.  Everyone needs encouragement and, whether you ACTUALLY read the posts or not, please get on my case if I go too long without checking in.

Right now, though, I need to get Rory's face cleaned up and drag our sick with a cold butts out of the house to get haircuts.  I hope I remember to take the tissue out of my nose before we walk out the door...

Until then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

This flarpin' sucks...

As a part of her Easter basket, AC received some "noise putty" (aka Flarp).  The fart-like noises caused squeals of delight from both girls and provided much entertainment in it's short life in our household.  Today, however, that life came to an end.

AC had asked to play with her "fart goo" today and I agreed, stipulating she must keep it at her table.  She played with an air of gleeful disgust for a good 20 minutes until I heard "Uh, oh..."

In an attempt to make a goo necklace, she had succeeded in smashing the goo into, not only her hair, but had ground it into the collar and down the back of her shirt.

hooray.

Mommy calmly threw away the remaining goo and marched her into the bathroom armed with canola oil and a fine toothed comb.  It took a good (and greasy) 30 minutes to meticulously comb the goo out of her hair.  She had at least half of the jar it matted into the hair at the nape of her neck.  This kid has a LOT of hair and it's LONG.  Needless to say, she didn't get in trouble, removal was punishment enough, there were cries and shouts of pain galore despite my best efforts to limit the pain.  Rory had to get in on it and stand in the bathroom crying for reasons she knew not.

After cleaning up that mess and washing her hair in the shower, it was time to head to my favorite restaurant for dinner.  I was SO ready for it after that debacle...so ready, in fact, that I ordered 4 desserts to go.  In my defense, the restaurant was hosting a fundraiser for AC's school in which the school receives 20% of all sales, so, the more money I spend, the more money the school makes.  According to my rationale, I can just hand the money to the school OR I can donate to the school and get dessert.  Dessert wins every time.

By the way, vinegar gets fart goo out of clothing...  I wish there was no cause to know this...

Until Then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

Day 5: Something in life that gives you balance.

It's hard to say what gives me balance.  I tend to struggle with balance a lot in all aspects of my life, so, let's settle for what keeps me sane in no particular order...

1.  Medication.  I don't feel this needs elaboration.
2.  Monday morning Bible study.  Unlike any other "church" group I have been a part of, Moms Monday is full of the most transparent women who, many in similar stages of life, aren't afraid to reveal their hurts and scars.
3.  Prayer.  Who hasn't stopped in the middle of a ridiculous situation (which may or may not have involved screaming incoherently at inanimate objects) able only to mutter a simple "Oh, Jesus, please..."
4.  My mom.  I'm not kidding, I call her EVERY. DAY.
5.  Yoga.  Working out has, to my chagrin, helped elevate my emotional state.  I need to do more as my fat ass would definitely benefit from it, but seeing as I had convinced my high school guidance counselor that I was allergic to physical exertion (it causes me to sweat), I really think the fact that I'm doing ANYTHING at all is a step in the right direction.
6.  Food.  I know, here is the cause of the aforementioned fat ass.  I can't help it though, I tend to eat my feelings and they taste delicious.
7.  Crappy TV.  I have my shows and I don't miss them...ever.  Thank God for DVR.
8.  Dreams.  I know this sounds really cliche and dorky, but knowing that I can dream big and that, someday, there will be more to me than feeling like a housebound frumpy mom helps keep me sane.
9.  Sarcasm.  I'm not proud of it...okay, well, maybe I am.  Everyone's gotta be good at something...
10. My husband and kids.  Paradoxically, they are usually what causes my bouts of INsanity, however, I can't imagine my life without them.

Until Then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

Easter Keister

The title has no bearing what-so-ever on the content of this post.  I just like rhyming "Easter" and "keister" and, really, what other time of year can you do that??

Trying to find a parking space at church on Easter Sunday is awful.  Hence, we decided to go on Saturday night.  Being the OCD person that I am (OCD meaning I am highly anal retentive in some areas and irritatingly lax in others), I thought I heard that there would be an additional service at 4:30 p.m.  We all got ready and showed up to church only to find that it had, in fact, started at 4...

To me, this is no biggie.  Let's go pop a squat on the couches and wait for the 5:30 service.  To my mother, however, this is unconscionable.  She fumed on a chair in the vestibule and shot me dirty looks the entire hour.  Her discomfort was furthered by the fact that she forgot her watch.  Are you kidding??  I don't even own a watch that works let alone wear one.

On the upside, we went to Napoli's after service for dinner.  This is my FAVORITE restaurant EVER.  The food is fantastic and there are members of the staff that remember me waddling in there as a hungry pregnant woman.  My girls got hugs and free cheesecake.  Rory was shouting the whole time I was feeding her bites "I like it!"

Tomorrow we'll sleep in, color and hunt eggs, and bake a ham.  I'm hoping it'll be a little warmer so we can go outside.

Until Then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

Hello, my name is Vinegar, White Vinegar...

I LOVE vinegar.  Not kidding.  Vinegar has to be one of the most versatile substances in my kitchen.  I use it for EVERYTHING...well, almost everything.

I stopped buying cleaning products and have started going green.  Not green as in environment green, but green as in "I'm cheap".  I would go through cleaning products SO fast, most of them smelled bad, and I hated what they did to my hands.  It all started with cleaning my dishwasher.  I used white vinegar and baking soda with great results.  That same day, I cleaned both my coffee pot and microwave with vinegar.  It did such a fabulous job with no residual chemically-ness (it's a word, shut up) that I wondered what else I could do with it.  Besides, it's CHEAP.  I whipped up a batch of vinegar cleaner in a squirt bottle and went to town.  I'll never use anything else again!

After having such good results with the vinegar, I started wondering what else I was over paying for.  I've since started making my own Soft Scrub and Pledge.  I love using these cleaners instead of chemical ones for very simple reasons, not only is it cost effective, but having children with allergies, eczema, and one with asthma, it's got to be healthier for them.

Below are the cleaning solutions I use and what I use them for.  I've yet to come up with a substitute for toilet bowl cleaner or Murphy's Oil Soap, but that's only because I haven't run out of those yet!  (See?  Told ya I'm cheap!)

Vinegar Cleaner

1 part white vinegar to 3 parts water in a squirt bottle.  I use this on all hard surfaces as vinegar is a very effective disinfectant.  I go through it relatively quickly as I use it not only in the bathroom and kitchen, but as a mopping solution and glass cleaner.  I don't know about all fabrics, but on my microfiber furniture, it makes a great fabric freshener (the vinegar smell dissipates within the hour) and I also use it to scrub out any spots on the furniture.

*Another $ saving tip:  Nix the Swiffer and paper towels.  Instead of Swiffer refills, I use one of the many rags I keep with my cleaning supplies when mopping the tile, just lay it down and poke it into the holes like you would the refills.  Instead of paper towels, get a microfiber cloth from the cleaning supply section (I know they have them at Wal-Mart) that's specifically for glass.  It's about $4 and when used with the vinegar cleaner leaves a streak and residue-free clean on all your glass surfaces!  I even use this on my plasma TV with no ill effects.

"Soft Scrub"

Combine dish soap and baking soda to make a paste and, voila!  I use a lavender scented dish soap that makes for a great smelling cleaner.  It takes a little more elbow grease, but, com'on, elbow grease is FREE.

Furniture Polish

Combine 1/2 c lemon juice and 1 c olive oil in a squirt bottle.  You end up with 16 oz of the BEST furniture polish I've ever used.  I was hesitant at first, but I've never had my wood furniture come out so shiny!  Plus, I feel A-OK using as much as I want because...well...it's CHEAP!  (Do you sense a theme here??)  I juiced 5 lemons (at 10 cents each), strained the juice into the squirt bottle, and got the cheapest off-brand olive oil there was.

Please feel free to share your El-Cheapo tips!

Until Then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

Heart Vomit

**Warning:  The following post is what I like to call "heart vomit".  It may have no bearing on your life whatsoever, but it's something I feel the need to have written somewhere.  It's more of an exploration of the inside of my head than anything else.  It may not even make sense.  This is NOT prose.**

Since following God's orders and auditioning for the worship ministry at church, I've been thinking a lot about worship.  At one point I was asked to describe the best worship I have ever experienced.  I've come up with two after much rumination after the fact:

1.  Gut worship.  

If you've never experienced gut worship (my neologism), I don't know if I'd ever be able to explain it to you.  It's taken different manifestations in my life from uncontrollable tears to standing still in silence.  There comes a time when you are so overwhelmed by God that there's nothing else you can do.  I think the way it manifests physically depends a lot on what's going on with me.  There have been times when it seems like I can't even stand anymore, my "gut" is so overwhelmed.  There are people who have seen this happen to someone and attribute it all to emotion.  Emotion is involved and is how much of what is experienced is expressed, however, it's not at the core of what's happening.  If you've never been overcome by who God is, not by some portion of Him like grace, mercy, love, etc., but simply by WHO He is in His entirety, you might not understand this at all.  

2. Joy worship.

I don't mean the run down the aisle or laughing uncontrollably kind of thing, but to be swept off your feet by the joy and beauty in an everyday moment in your life.  There is worship in dancing with your kids, thoroughly enjoying dinner with your husband, hugging your mom...  

It's been a while since I've experienced the first, but the second comes into my busy mom life a lot.  Thank you, Lord for those moments; those experiences that have come in both good and bad times.  I'm blessed regardless of my situation and that is said in all sincerity, with no piety, as more of a quiet acclamation than anything else.

Until Then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

Quick Update

I was kind of MIA while Clayton was home.  Between the two girls and I, we had 4 sicknesses!  It always seems to happen when he comes home.  On one hand, it sucks because we can't do/go everything we intended to, however, on the other hand, there's at least another adult here to help wipe noses and clean up puke.

I had a FABULOUS time while he was home and was utterly spoiled.  We went on our first overnight date since having kids!  I felt like a real grown up!  We drove to OKC and ate at the Cheesecake Factory, the best part was the salted caramel shake that had alcohol AND chunks of pretzel in it.  Fo' reals, I'm going to find that recipe online and pin it.  We stayed in a nice hotel.  You know the kind, the ones with the doors on the inside that serves real orange juice at breakfast??  It's been a while since I've been to one of those too.  The next day it was good to be Mommy.  We hit up the Coach outlet and I got, not only my first Coach purse, but a matching wallet, another purse and matching wallet, a multi tote, sunglasses, and a scarf.  Yup.  The saleslady was jealous as Clayton kept asking me if there was anything else I wanted...  I could get used to this!!

We also joined the rest of society and bought iPads.  It's the most frivolous purchase, but it's so fun to have.  It's also good for the girls.  AC has logged many hours already playing Umi Zumi math games, reading Dr Seuss books, and watching Ruby Gloom on Netflix.  That last one I'm not so stoked about...wait, that's not true.  I really don't care that she's watching it, I just like to make it seem like she's doing strictly education things, it makes me feel better.  What a good mother I am, right??  I may or may not be using it primarily to play games...

Speaking of games, I love bunco.  I've played 3 times and have won twice!  Woo!  Go me!  I love going home with more money than I showed up with as well as having been fed and having had conversation with people to whom booger picking isn't an issue.

I'm super tired and am pretty sure I'm ready to hit the hay.  Well, I really am not going to go to sleep.  I'm going to watch Netflix in my bed while playing games on my iPad.  Who knows, I might even take my Coach purse to bed with me too...it still smells like new leather.

Until Then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom