It's been a congested pumpkin poop day

I'm sick... And I've noticed that my inability to yell has affected my capacity to parent effectively. (Note the correct usage of "effect" vs. "affect".)

It's been a long few days. Yesterday, we were all dressed and ready for church, I had even flat ironed AC's hair and it hung in shiny, silky waves down her back. Gorgeous. Well, I get out of the house and realize I forgot my phone. No biggie, we'll head back home and grab it. Not to be, my friends, AC had my phone last. Moms know what that means, it means that God Himself night not be able to divine it's whereabouts. Well, a good hour of yelling, badgering, goofing around and getting in trouble for it (AC), and hysterical near-misses later, I saw that my

cousin was online on Facebook. I got her on im and had her call my phone over and over until I found it. It was in the car...UNDER her carseat. I get pissed just thinking about it.

During all of this, Rory couldn't be upstaged and released 3 days worth of poop all over my couch and her church clothes. Hooray.

All crisis in check, we headed to do Mommy's errands and ended up at Cheddar's for lunch. I think we had hit our drama quota before noon, so the afternoon turned out pretty well. It might also have had something to do with the potato soup and bloody beer that Mommy had for lunch.

I woke up this morning having succumbed to the sore throat I've been fighting since Friday.

I sound like a 60 year old smoker. I didn't FEEL like doing anything other than sitting on my butt all day, but had promised AC a trip to the pumpkin patch, so we got showered (and had a lot of fun with AC's bath crayons...there were purple mustaches involved) and went. I really wanted a fairy tale pumpkin, but the few they had were not so good looking. Mommy will have to wait to get herself a pumpkin. Not sure yet what we will do with the big one AC got. I don't know if I want to clean it out and carve it or if I want to try a recipe I've had for quite a while. It's for a stew that you make and then bake in the pumpkin. We'll see.

I don't know what it is with my kid and explosive poops, but if I thought all the previous poops I've encountered were bad, I was wrong. Tonight Rory had such a bad poop that I wished I had a HAZMAT suit. It was ALL OVER. I had put her in the Boppy and was starting a movie for AC when I noticed that Rory's sleeper was wet. Well, it wasn't just wet, it was soaked. How long must she have been sitting in that slimy poop for it to soak through her sleeper?? Thanks for the heads up, Rory...

Well, my head hurts and I'm tired. Goodnight!

Until then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

It's my birthday and it'll suck if it wants to

Ok, so it didn't totally suck. I really wasn't expecting anything as my husband is overseas and my parents are in KC. I got some really wonderful birthday wishes on Facebook and mom and Clayton called. We just stayed in our pajamas today until I had to get the girls dressed for pictures. My friend, Cindi, who took maternity and newborn pictures for me, took some of the girls together today. We had lunch together at her house and let the kids play for a little while (she has a son a few weeks younger than AC).

All in all, birthdays as an adult are much the same as any other day. There is still laundry, dishes, and care-taking to be done. No one really makes a big fuss and that's ok. To be honest, I forgot it WAS my birthday until I logged on Facebook this morning and saw the birthday wishes. It's just that this is my 30th birthday, for some reason I thought it would be a little more momentous than this... Not exactly sure what I expected, but I expected something. Maybe to feel different? To all of a sudden have this "being a grown up" thing down seeing as I am, irrefutably, an adult? Who knows...

Momma the dairy cow better wrap this up. Rory is hungry and crying!

Until then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

A fish called "Grace"

I feel like all I have been doing lately is yelling at AC. She doesn't do what I say, when I say, doesn't do things quickly enough, and always wants something while I'm busy. Of course, the days I am acting like a particular hag are the days that she looks at me sweetly out of the blue and tells me how much she loves me. Today was one of those days. I felt like an ass. At Bible study, (we're doing a study of Jonah) it was all about how God gives us second chances. When we, like Jonah, run from what God has asked us to do, impersonate obedience, or excuse ourselves from following His directives, we get ourselves into a big mess. God caused Jonah to be swallowed by a fish, spit up on shore where he started out, and gave him the SAME instruction. It's just like I do with AC, it's like God telling me verbatim, "Put that down, pay attention and do what I told you to do in the first place." The difference, however, is that God extends grace to me. The words might be the same, but He is love and I am all frustration and anger. I get it, God, I'm working on it.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I was having horrible stomach pain this evening. It was so bad at one point that I was on my hands and knees on the floor rocking back and forth. I suddenly remembered the Dicyclomine my doctor had prescribed for just such occasions...and I took one. Of course, AFTER I popped the pill is when I thought to Google it to see if it would interfere with breastfeeding. Yep, it can cause infants to have trouble breathing. Great. I called the pharmacy and ascertained that I do need to pump and dump for the next 10 hours. Suck. Nursing is what gets me through the long, loud, gassy nights. Looks like I'll be tired in the morning. AC thinks it's great though, she got to give her sister her very first bottle!

Until then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

Way to intrigue the readers...

I'm really disappointed, I've been watching Roswell on NetFlix. Come to find out, it wasn't actually filmed in Roswell. Boo...

I'm staying up later than usual tonight, not sure why. I really didn't have an excess of caffiene today. I'm just not ready to go to sleep yet.

Can you tell I have nothing particularly witty or interesting to blog about?

There have been no more mouse sightings, I heard the mouse last night ignorantly and blissfully chomping on the poison the landlady put in the water heater closet. Yay!

The baby is having a fit. She's making herself choke because she is crying so hard and has the hiccups... Last night, that wasn't the case. Hopefully this little video makes up for the glaringly pathetic lack of content!

Until then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

Random bits of pajama day

I'm going to begin by stating the obvious, no blog last night!

We had parent watch night at dance class. It would've been funny had it not been my child! I want so badly for her to be a well-behaved kid that I sometimes don't find the humor in the things she does. I DID, however, stifle giggles at her reactions after being told to go stand on her own spot, check out the video...it's funny.

Post dance, AC went home with Nana for that hot dog and I went home to await one of the most wonderful ideas to ever reach fruition...the post-baby meals on wheels. I LOVE having someone bring food over, especially when it includes dessert. Granted, it's a little awkward standing at the door like a starved puppy and having someone bring me food like I'm helpless. I tend to feel guilty, like people are thinking, "Good Lord, you can't get yourself something to eat? Would you like me to wipe your chin too??" Before I get a bunch of responses to that statement, let me say that I KNOW people aren't really thinking that (well, maybe some are), but I can't help feeling that way. After they go about their business leaving me with food I didn't have to make, I thoroughly enjoy the experience. Like last night, armed with only a fork and a NetFlix movie, I inflicted serious damage to a pan of lasagna and brownies, respectively. Afterward, I felt kinda sick... AC then came home and all three of us fell asleep on the couch watching Veggie Tales. Hence, no blog.

Oh! Before I forget, update on the mouse situation! No dead ones yet. I've set traps in the kitchen and have yet to kill one of the little buggers though I did vacuum up some turds in front of my pantry. All of the food in the house is either in the fridge, the breadbox, or the pantry. Clearly sensing this, the mouse searched fruitlessly for a way into the pantry and dropped some ass in consternation. That's just my theory, I obviously watch too many cartoons... Anyway, the landlady came by today and spread some poison around in areas that will not affect our health in any way, but I seriously hope will affect the health of the mice attempting to take over. The exterminator she called was uncomfortable spraying (or whatever they do) with such a small baby in the house.

On the plus side of things, I got $100 from my grandma today! Woo Hoo! I'm not particularly excited about this birthday, but getting money is ALWAYS a good thing. I was going to buy myself something nice seeing as it's a milestone birthday that I will be spending alone (except for my girls, both of whom are too young to surprise Mommy). I can't bring myself to shop though, as it hasn't been that long since I dropped a bundle on a new MacBook, iPhone, and signed us up for internet and NetFlix. I think I've covered both my birthday AND Christmas with those purchases. Birthdays aren't nearly as much fun when the money for your presents comes out of your own bank account...

Until then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

The great poop debacle

Whoa! This blog entry is taking a turn. An hour ago I was sitting on the couch typing an entry with totally different (yet less entertaining) content when I heard a rumble erupt from the nether-regions of my youngest offspring. Every mother knows and dreads that rumble. One the likes of which no diaper known to man can contain... Yep, her little newborn diaper wasbursting at the seams with runny yellow baby crap.While AC (let's facetiously call her "Flash" for the rest of this entry...does that tell you anything about her ability to discern urgency??) was off fashioning a diaper and wipes by hand, Rory, sans diaper, exploded again. This time all over her receiving blanket, socks, and onsie.

I think it goes without saying that Rory had her first full-on immersion bath this evening. It was a circus trying to get everything in order to dunk the poo-ball... I tried to keep poop from dripping while grabbing towels and a baby washcloth and sent Flash to get, in turn, the Clorox wipes from the bathroom (so I could wipe out the kitchen sink), a new onsie, the lotion, soap, an extra towel, a diaper, and, of course, my phone, so I could preserve the moment for posterity. All the while, Rory was screaming like a banshee. No wonder though, I would too if I were cold and naked on the kitchen counter covered in my own crap. Oh, and I might add that Clayton's friend from Bible college decided that this was a perfect time to call and congratulate us on the new baby...poor guy, I know he had no idea, but really, what is WRONG with men's timing???

When the bath (and screaming) was finally over, I know what Rory was thinking while sucking the life out of her pacifier, "What the hell just happened to me??" Can't you just see it on her face? SO funny...

After cleaning up, putting AC to bed, and dousing Rory's poo-soaked clothes with an entire bottle of Shout, I'm spent. Time to wrap this puppy up and sit down with my mini bottle of sweet red, bag of baked Ruffles, and the new episode of Survivor. Does that sound like class or what?!?

Until then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

P.S. My kid has the most HILARIOUS monkey hair...this is guiltless mocking, I hear I had the same head of hair!

This calls for pie...

Funny how getting a computer of your own can cause you to take up pursuits otherwise deemed unnecessary. Things such as Farmville, Frontierville, Cafe World...oh, and that blog that you so cavalierly abandoned many moons ago.

I had planned to wax poetic about my list of accomplished tasks, the dinner I didn't have to cook, and the joys of sitting in the recliner watching Julie and Julia. However, my peaceful evening took a turn for the paranoid while I was *ahem* cyber farming

(and spamming my and other's pages with farm updates, offers of fuel, and bushels of raspberries). Out of the corner of my eye, a small dark shadow flickered across my kitchen floor. It was nothing, really...I've just been wearing my contacts too long, right? WRONG! Up until TONIGHT, I have dealt with mice, but only in the walls, they had never ventured into the part of the house that I inhabit. Not anymore, my friend, said shadow was a MOUSE scampering merrily through my kitchen!! There are many things that skeeze me out: big bugs, birds, animal genitals as food...however, topping the list is rodents. And what is a mouse? A nasty, flea-infested, disease-ridden, rodent vermin. *shudder*

After realizing that I wasn't imagining things, I did what any other red-blooded American powder puff would do, I called

my mom. After some brief commiseration, she, of course, laughed at me... I don't think she understands the extent to which mice affect me. I jerk awake in the middle of the night with visions much akin to that scene in Ratatouille where the little old lady blows a hole in her ceiling only to find a bazillion rats living in her house. Gag... Mom also laughed at my consternation that my fervent prayers against vermin infestations have availethed pretty much squat. Fo' reals, if God can bring people back from the dead and tell animals to hoof it onto a boat two by two, what is stopping Him from sending out a supernatural memo to the rodents of Amarillo that my house is off limits??

Ok, mom off the phone, it's time to get the kids in bed and, thank God, I have some extra traps (the expensive, but wonderfully all enclosed kind).

Baby has been fed, but continues to scream her guts out and AC is refusing to get off the couch for fear of being accosted by the mouse. Wonderful. I left them both doing their best to go hoarse to set traps in the kitchen and pile Cool Whip on the slice of raspberry chiffon pie I intended to eat in bed. (Yes, I am eating pie in bed. Don't judge me...)

Traps set and outta the kitchen I go. I sure as hell am not going to stick around and LISTEN to the little nasty beasts getting killed.

Walking into my room, I find that AC is watching a Mexican soap opera on YouTube on my phone and has, seemingly out of the blue, developed a large lump under her eye. Great... We go to the doctor tomorrow and it looks like I socked her in the peeper. Will she TELL me what happened??? Nooo, that would be FAR too easy on a mother who's sanity is about to fly the coop. After a lengthy pantomime, I have deduced that she was attempting to dance around in her room, tripped, and smacked her eye on something.

She says the wall...don't know how that could be, but whatever. I think the story I've pieced together is about as good as it's going to get.

Keep in mind that throughout all of this, the baby has been hitting ear piercing decibals with no intention to cease. I'm tempted to sit on my contaminated mouse floor and join her.

One Barbie mermaid movie and two sore nipples later (AC watched a movie and the baby nursed...better clarify) both kids are asleep in my bed, my blog is updated, and my piece of pie is calling my name. To quote Billy Joel, "Oh, what a night".

Until then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

P.S. Please forgive any spelling errors in this post, the spellcheck feature doesn't seem to be working and my mouth is too full of raspberry-liscious Cool Whip for me to really give a crap at this particular juncture...