Rachael Ray is a Liar

I'm trying to cut down on the number of times per week that we go out to eat, I need to get back into the menu planning/cooking routine.  That being said, I have quite a few Rachael Ray cookbooks.  It's not that I find the paradox of her rat terrier-esque perky energy and 80-year-old-smoker-with-emphysema voice irresistible, I just like her food.  It's good.

On the menu for tonight: Skillet Tamale Pie from Rachael Ray, Just In Time pg. 290-1

Pretty simple, kinda like a Mexican shepherd's pie: meat mixture on the bottom, carb on the top.  First off, when I made the grocery shopping list, there were a few things in this recipe that I knew we wouldn't like.  It called for bell and jalapeno pepper.  I don't want jalapenos because I am a Northern gringo and don't find the idea of a raging inferno inside my mouth appealing.  I also don't like cooked bell peppers, I like them raw to eat in strips, but can't stand them warm and flaccid (insert your own joke here).  Instead, I bought a small can of mild green chiles to substitute and, thus, add flavor.  Secondly, she called for ground beef AND ground pork.  I couldn't find the freaking ground pork at the grocery store and seeing as it was particularly crowded, I figured we could x-nay the oinker and go all beef.  The carb on top of the meat mixture in this particular dish was polenta.  I have never knowledgeably eaten polenta, let alone made it, so I was a little intimidated by this.  I put "polenta" on my shopping list and wandered down the Mexican food aisle looking for a bag/box/jar of "polenta", not finding it, I was starting to wonder if it's really just cornmeal.  I whipped out my iPhone and Googled "What is polenta?" only after calling Mom to verify that I was right, but she, being a Northern gringo herself, wasn't sure.  It is, in fact, just cornmeal...really Rachael?  You had to put "2 cups polenta"??  What's wrong with calling a spade a spade, it's cornmeal.

Following the directions, I started the bacon, added meat, onion, and garlic.  No problem.  Now for the spices: cinnamon, cumin, salt, pepper, and...oh crap...I don't have any chili powder.  I did, however, have a bottle of "chili spices" for making chili.  After sniffing it and ensuring that, yes, it smells like it has cumin and chili powder in it, I just used that and added a little salt and pepper.  (This is the kind of cook I am, I am surprised anything at all turns out!)

Smelled good!

When choosing recipes for my menu and creating my grocery list, I have a bad habit of perusing the ingredient list of a menu and ignoring the instruction part.  I did that very thing when choosing this recipe that calls for an oven safe skillet.  Uh, I don't have one of those.  After putting the meal together, you're supposed to stick it under the broiler to set the polenta and melt the cheese.  Yeah, this is the point in the proceedings I realized this, don't even say it.  After some quick pondering, I decided to dig out my large casserole dish and just assemble the dish in it.  I mean, really, am I going to store the left-overs in the skillet?  No, it would've ended up in my casserole dish anyway.

*Deep breath*  This is the part I've been dreading.  The polenta.  The pressure is on.  Read through the directions and...wait a minute...it's CREAM OF WHEAT.  Fo' reals, it's the cornmeal version of cream of wheat.  Why are we calling it "polenta"??  It sounds SO pretentious (but it is fun to say, say it with me "polenta".  See?  Told ya...)  Her recipe said that it should take the polenta 5 minutes to thicken.  Not so, kimosabe.  I stood there for at least twice that long whisking myself into a carpal tunnel frenzy.  I don't think it was even as thick as it should have been at that point, but I was tired of whisking.

A little Sour cream and
cilantro for garnish.

Like I said, this recipe came from Rachael Ray, Just In Time which is a collection of recipes whose prep time varies; a departure from her standard 30 minute meals.  This particular meal was listed as a 15  minute meal.  Bullsh*t.  You are a low down dirty liar, Rachael Ray.  It took me a good 45 minutes to complete and I even cut out the whole seeding and chopping peppers bit.  Perhaps if I had a prep team that pre-measured everything into little Fiestaware ramekins, I'd be a little speedier too.  Not to mention my less than professional grade knife skills.  You won't see any crazy ninja-style chopping in my kitchen unless you like that certain je ne sais quoi that slivers of finger and copious amounts of blood add to a dish.  Regardless, I'd like to see the average stay-at-home mom who has to pause to wipe noses, replace pacifiers, root through a million baby spoons to find the measuring spoon, and search behind the juice boxes to find ingredients in the fridge whip this puppy out in 15 minutes.

All in all, it was a relatively simple recipe to make and tasted pretty good.  Made enough to feed an army, but I don't have a problem with left-overs and my in-laws definitely benefit as I sent them home with a Tupperware full.

Until then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

What are your favorite cookbooks?  Do you have a favorite celebrity chef?  Do you like them for their food or personality?