I CAN'T clean the floor...fo' reals...

Anyone catching me at an unguarded moment will be able to tell without hesitation that I live with a preschooler. I find myself constantly humming the song that Moose sings on NickJr, "I feel like I'm falling for fall..."

It's NOT fall around here though. Can you believe it was 81 degrees yesterday? I put away all my summer clothes and have yet to find a pair of jeans that fit...I'm going to be clothed in the unseasonably green leaves soon. Hey! That might work! I can be Eve for Halloween! Despite the Biblical basis, I don't think it'll be appreciated at the church Trunk or Treat this evening, do you?

I went to get my new Hoover Floormate today because I was feeling uncharacteristically industrious and had a legitimate reason to NOT sweep the floors: the Floormate smells like buttcrack. Seriously. I've had it approximately two weeks and it's been used 3 times. Despite the manual saying it's unnecessary, I have emptied it between cleanings. The canister that the dirty water/sweeper crap goes into smells so bad that I took the canister outside on the back porch. I really was going to vacuum the floor today, but not if it'll make my house smell like nasty trash. I'm a little peeved...that damn thing was expensive. Hopefully, I can get a hold of the company tomorrow and figure out how to de-stink it.

My husband is NOT coming home for the holidays. He's making a sacrifice and heading to Dubai instead to crash with a friend so we still get his R&R bonus, but don't have to pay for the airfare home. Wait a minute...I'm home by myself with a preschooler clinging to my leg and a baby hanging from my breast and he's staying with a friend in another city, going sight seeing and such with no kids... Scratch the "sacrifice" comment, that sounds like a freakin' vacation. Holy Mother, I've been had...

Until then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

Cliches are cliches because they're TRUE

It seemed as though we hit the floor running this morning and never did stop. School, Dr. appointment, errands, pick AC up from school and straight to dance, home! I didn't have dinner until 8:00 p.m.

For the most part, this "kinda single mom" thing isn't as hard as everyone seems to think. There are times, though, that I just feel like I'm going to implode. I get almost an anxious, panic attack feeling. I feel it pulsing under the surface and if I don't stomp it down, I'll fall to pieces.

Tonight, I had to take a minute. As a mom, those minutes you have to take for yourself come at the strangest times. Take this evening... Just home from dance, we stripped to take a shower and get jammies on (shower tonight b/c I KNOW we'll be just as rushed tomorrow morning, the more I can get done tonight, the better) and I felt it. That panic, the melt-down was breathing down my neck. I had to take one of those minutes then and there. So there is Mommy, leaning against the wall of the shower, eyes closed and blocking out the screaming baby in the bedroom and the preschooler in the shower with me yammering on and on about God knows what while drawing circles on my butt with her soap crayon. Yep, not my finest hour, but I needed a moment in my own little world in order to stay sane.

Later, no less chaotic, God let me get a glimpse of the nostalgia with which I will look back on these times. Someday, AC will be off at her part-time job, Rory will be in an extracurricular activity, and I will be at home reminiscing about the days when my babies were babies and were home with me every night snuggling in my bed.

So, that being said, this is my goal, one I'll never totally "reach", but one I can continually strive toward: Look at my life for what it is, a gift. Find the joy in the every day, the chaos, and the mundane. Appreciate my kids and take advantage of the time I'm given with them because they aren't mine, they're God's, He just loves me enough to share. Look back only to keep perspective as to how far we've come. Look forward only to gain an appreciation of what I have, it'll all change all too soon.

Do I sound like a sappy greeting card? Yes, I do, but I don't think it makes those statements any less true.

Until then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

Oh, the monotony

Forgive me readers, for I am boring and it's been 5 days since my last blog. There is nothing going on around here. Well, I should clarify, nothing of interest to the myriad of readers out there in cyberland. Yes, 3 people can constitute a myriad...shut up.

We've been very busy, mostly with random appointments. I've had something aside from our regular "stuff" everyday this week. Some of it was fun, like today. A friend opened her home to some of us that have home businesses and invited people to come shop and chat. I made some money while drinking coffee and chatting with friends PLUS AC ran around outside with the other kids and wore herself out! What sucks about that?? I'll tell ya...nothin'.

We, well, I have had a lot of un-fun stuff. I've been going to Dr. appointments this week. Nothing dire, follow-ups, scans, etc. I find out tomorrow if the scans uncovered the source of my "episodes" as my galbadder. I'm pretty sure that's what it is. I hope that it's something they can take care of soon, though, our deductable and out-of-pocket are met. Ah, yes, 'tis I, El Cheapo!

Friday we have a "Harvest Festival" for the stay-at-home mom's club I am a member of. I signed up for the party planning committee...why did I do that??? I put myself in these situations all the time. You would think I would've learned by now to keep my damn name off the sign up sheets... Oh, I'm sure it'll be fun and the kids will enjoy it, but I am an idea person. I'll give you 500 ideas, however, I have no desire to follow through on those ideas.

Seeing as this could be the most boring and devoid of humor blog I have written to date, I'll put a stop to the tedium and sign off. Pumpkin spice coffee, here I come...

Until then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

Halloween and one-liners for posterity

I caught a mouse! Hooray! I had to call my landlord earlier this week as I saw him AGAIN. Broad daylight and the nasty thing saunters down the hallway, that's right, saunters; no frightened scurrying, if he walked on two legs, he would have been twirling his tail in his hand winking at me. Arrogant little b*stard got what was coming to him...

It's getting close to Halloween and AC has had her costume since June. We bought her a Sleeping Beauty ensemble at Disneyland and, seeing as it cost almost as much as admission to the park, decided it was her Halloween costume. Not to be left out of the fun, I ordered a Maleficent costume from the Disney Store! Muahahahaha... So, if AC and I are going to be characters from Sleeping Beauty, Rory has to join the cast AND seeing as I will be carrying her around all evening, what better character than Maleficent's raven? Do you THINK I could find a bird costume of any kind?? No...that would be too easy. I got creative and bought a black fleece tracksuit from Wal-Mart and pimped it out with ribbon feathers and a scrap wool applique face. I did a pretty freakin' good job if I say so myself.

We carved pumpkins today during our pajama day. I should clarify, I carved a pumpkin. AC wanted me to carve a Dora Explorer pumpkin. Uh, right, I think that falls outside Mommy's realm of ability, so, we went for an owl instead.

As my cousin pointed out, AC has been on a roll with the inappropriate, yet, hilarious soundbites lately that are wonderful fodder for Facebook status updates. The rest of the blog will be dedicated to preserving them for posterity (or for my own personal entertainment when she's a teenager and it's no longer funny.)

AC was standing at the front door trying to get it open when we heard the ice cream truck somewhere in the neighborhood. I walked up behind her just in time to hear, "It's that damn ice cream man again..."

She is SO my kid, she was hiding from her daddy...under a glass top table...

AC: Mom, where's your phone?
Me: Right here.
AC: I'm glad it's not lost. 'Member when I lost it?
Me: Yes, I do, and I hope that never happens again.
AC: Me too. You might call the policeman and he will come get me. That would be bad, bad, bad...

She let me know that my phone was giving her a "pain in the ass".

She didn't get the straw that came with a cup we bought and she told me that the guy who sold it to us was "frickin' damn" because he didn't give it to us.

Not sure if I remember why and in her defense, I don't think she understood that it was inappropriate, but I was called a butthole by my grinning three year old.

AC got lotion on the floor but nonchalantly assured me she would "wipe that crap up."

I told AC to finish her beans. She told me she couldn't because she's "filled up with beans".

Clayton and I don't like vans, but somehow AC has gotten it into her head that we need to get a red minivan. My MIL informed me that in her bedtime prayers was a heartfelt request for a red van...

And we'll end on a sweet note:

I made AC Easy Mac for dinner and she says, "Mmm, mmm. Momma you're a good cooker!" Lol, it's Easy Mac for goodness sakes, but it's nice to be appreciated.

Until then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

Abundance of truth and peace

Last year, I was at a women's retreat at church and during the communion, I felt like it had become a ho-hum experience for me. There was no deep meaning to me, personally. I asked God to give me something, anything, that would make taking communion meaningful to me. He did.

Jeremiah 33:6 "Behold, I will bring it health and healing; I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of peace and truth."

That doesn't, at first glance, seem like it applies to a tiny cracker and a thimble of grape juice. However, the last part about revealing the abundance of truth and peace jumped off the page at me.

The bread is the flesh, but bread is also referred to as the Word sometimes. The Word is truth. In taking the bread, I am remembering that promise that God will reveal to me the abundance of His truth. He will make my way straight.

The wine is representative of His blood. The blood of Jesus brings peace. I imagined peace washing over me like a wave. He will reveal to me the abundance of His peace. I REALLY need that.

This seems a little disjointed upon review, not articulated well. I really felt like I needed to write this out as my next post while taking communion this morning at church. It may be that no one will read it, but I may stumble upon it later when I need to be reminded of His promises and the way He fulfills His promises.

Until then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

It's been a congested pumpkin poop day

I'm sick... And I've noticed that my inability to yell has affected my capacity to parent effectively. (Note the correct usage of "effect" vs. "affect".)

It's been a long few days. Yesterday, we were all dressed and ready for church, I had even flat ironed AC's hair and it hung in shiny, silky waves down her back. Gorgeous. Well, I get out of the house and realize I forgot my phone. No biggie, we'll head back home and grab it. Not to be, my friends, AC had my phone last. Moms know what that means, it means that God Himself night not be able to divine it's whereabouts. Well, a good hour of yelling, badgering, goofing around and getting in trouble for it (AC), and hysterical near-misses later, I saw that my

cousin was online on Facebook. I got her on im and had her call my phone over and over until I found it. It was in the car...UNDER her carseat. I get pissed just thinking about it.

During all of this, Rory couldn't be upstaged and released 3 days worth of poop all over my couch and her church clothes. Hooray.

All crisis in check, we headed to do Mommy's errands and ended up at Cheddar's for lunch. I think we had hit our drama quota before noon, so the afternoon turned out pretty well. It might also have had something to do with the potato soup and bloody beer that Mommy had for lunch.

I woke up this morning having succumbed to the sore throat I've been fighting since Friday.

I sound like a 60 year old smoker. I didn't FEEL like doing anything other than sitting on my butt all day, but had promised AC a trip to the pumpkin patch, so we got showered (and had a lot of fun with AC's bath crayons...there were purple mustaches involved) and went. I really wanted a fairy tale pumpkin, but the few they had were not so good looking. Mommy will have to wait to get herself a pumpkin. Not sure yet what we will do with the big one AC got. I don't know if I want to clean it out and carve it or if I want to try a recipe I've had for quite a while. It's for a stew that you make and then bake in the pumpkin. We'll see.

I don't know what it is with my kid and explosive poops, but if I thought all the previous poops I've encountered were bad, I was wrong. Tonight Rory had such a bad poop that I wished I had a HAZMAT suit. It was ALL OVER. I had put her in the Boppy and was starting a movie for AC when I noticed that Rory's sleeper was wet. Well, it wasn't just wet, it was soaked. How long must she have been sitting in that slimy poop for it to soak through her sleeper?? Thanks for the heads up, Rory...

Well, my head hurts and I'm tired. Goodnight!

Until then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

It's my birthday and it'll suck if it wants to

Ok, so it didn't totally suck. I really wasn't expecting anything as my husband is overseas and my parents are in KC. I got some really wonderful birthday wishes on Facebook and mom and Clayton called. We just stayed in our pajamas today until I had to get the girls dressed for pictures. My friend, Cindi, who took maternity and newborn pictures for me, took some of the girls together today. We had lunch together at her house and let the kids play for a little while (she has a son a few weeks younger than AC).

All in all, birthdays as an adult are much the same as any other day. There is still laundry, dishes, and care-taking to be done. No one really makes a big fuss and that's ok. To be honest, I forgot it WAS my birthday until I logged on Facebook this morning and saw the birthday wishes. It's just that this is my 30th birthday, for some reason I thought it would be a little more momentous than this... Not exactly sure what I expected, but I expected something. Maybe to feel different? To all of a sudden have this "being a grown up" thing down seeing as I am, irrefutably, an adult? Who knows...

Momma the dairy cow better wrap this up. Rory is hungry and crying!

Until then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

A fish called "Grace"

I feel like all I have been doing lately is yelling at AC. She doesn't do what I say, when I say, doesn't do things quickly enough, and always wants something while I'm busy. Of course, the days I am acting like a particular hag are the days that she looks at me sweetly out of the blue and tells me how much she loves me. Today was one of those days. I felt like an ass. At Bible study, (we're doing a study of Jonah) it was all about how God gives us second chances. When we, like Jonah, run from what God has asked us to do, impersonate obedience, or excuse ourselves from following His directives, we get ourselves into a big mess. God caused Jonah to be swallowed by a fish, spit up on shore where he started out, and gave him the SAME instruction. It's just like I do with AC, it's like God telling me verbatim, "Put that down, pay attention and do what I told you to do in the first place." The difference, however, is that God extends grace to me. The words might be the same, but He is love and I am all frustration and anger. I get it, God, I'm working on it.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I was having horrible stomach pain this evening. It was so bad at one point that I was on my hands and knees on the floor rocking back and forth. I suddenly remembered the Dicyclomine my doctor had prescribed for just such occasions...and I took one. Of course, AFTER I popped the pill is when I thought to Google it to see if it would interfere with breastfeeding. Yep, it can cause infants to have trouble breathing. Great. I called the pharmacy and ascertained that I do need to pump and dump for the next 10 hours. Suck. Nursing is what gets me through the long, loud, gassy nights. Looks like I'll be tired in the morning. AC thinks it's great though, she got to give her sister her very first bottle!

Until then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

Way to intrigue the readers...

I'm really disappointed, I've been watching Roswell on NetFlix. Come to find out, it wasn't actually filmed in Roswell. Boo...

I'm staying up later than usual tonight, not sure why. I really didn't have an excess of caffiene today. I'm just not ready to go to sleep yet.

Can you tell I have nothing particularly witty or interesting to blog about?

There have been no more mouse sightings, I heard the mouse last night ignorantly and blissfully chomping on the poison the landlady put in the water heater closet. Yay!

The baby is having a fit. She's making herself choke because she is crying so hard and has the hiccups... Last night, that wasn't the case. Hopefully this little video makes up for the glaringly pathetic lack of content!

Until then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom

Random bits of pajama day

I'm going to begin by stating the obvious, no blog last night!

We had parent watch night at dance class. It would've been funny had it not been my child! I want so badly for her to be a well-behaved kid that I sometimes don't find the humor in the things she does. I DID, however, stifle giggles at her reactions after being told to go stand on her own spot, check out the video...it's funny.

Post dance, AC went home with Nana for that hot dog and I went home to await one of the most wonderful ideas to ever reach fruition...the post-baby meals on wheels. I LOVE having someone bring food over, especially when it includes dessert. Granted, it's a little awkward standing at the door like a starved puppy and having someone bring me food like I'm helpless. I tend to feel guilty, like people are thinking, "Good Lord, you can't get yourself something to eat? Would you like me to wipe your chin too??" Before I get a bunch of responses to that statement, let me say that I KNOW people aren't really thinking that (well, maybe some are), but I can't help feeling that way. After they go about their business leaving me with food I didn't have to make, I thoroughly enjoy the experience. Like last night, armed with only a fork and a NetFlix movie, I inflicted serious damage to a pan of lasagna and brownies, respectively. Afterward, I felt kinda sick... AC then came home and all three of us fell asleep on the couch watching Veggie Tales. Hence, no blog.

Oh! Before I forget, update on the mouse situation! No dead ones yet. I've set traps in the kitchen and have yet to kill one of the little buggers though I did vacuum up some turds in front of my pantry. All of the food in the house is either in the fridge, the breadbox, or the pantry. Clearly sensing this, the mouse searched fruitlessly for a way into the pantry and dropped some ass in consternation. That's just my theory, I obviously watch too many cartoons... Anyway, the landlady came by today and spread some poison around in areas that will not affect our health in any way, but I seriously hope will affect the health of the mice attempting to take over. The exterminator she called was uncomfortable spraying (or whatever they do) with such a small baby in the house.

On the plus side of things, I got $100 from my grandma today! Woo Hoo! I'm not particularly excited about this birthday, but getting money is ALWAYS a good thing. I was going to buy myself something nice seeing as it's a milestone birthday that I will be spending alone (except for my girls, both of whom are too young to surprise Mommy). I can't bring myself to shop though, as it hasn't been that long since I dropped a bundle on a new MacBook, iPhone, and signed us up for internet and NetFlix. I think I've covered both my birthday AND Christmas with those purchases. Birthdays aren't nearly as much fun when the money for your presents comes out of your own bank account...

Until then,

AC 'n' Rory's Mom